five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
