I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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