I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
