he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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