we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
