these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
