i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
