Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
