do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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