its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
