I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
