It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
