Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
