I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
