We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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