i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
