I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
