so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
