Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
