i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
