I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
