I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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