he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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