She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
