you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
