p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
