I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
