I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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