I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
