if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
