I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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