dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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