Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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