he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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