i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
