I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
