you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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