alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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