Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
