it wasn't lemon gatorade
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
