Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
