Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
