He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
