Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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