Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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