wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
