were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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