did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
