I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
