I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
